I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
where am i from again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
