She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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