I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A+ Viking dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
