You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
