Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
