If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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