I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
