I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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