Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
