my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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