Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
