u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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