you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
