I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
