He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
