but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
