This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
