Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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This is the high leading the old right now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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