i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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