If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
