I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
