I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize