Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
