Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
