So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
