i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
