I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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