the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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