i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
