GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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