There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
