Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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