FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
