Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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