OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
