they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
