That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
