I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
