Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
