No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
