dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
