Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
