so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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