Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think my mom watched the whole time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
