Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
