these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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