Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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