Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
