For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
