She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
