I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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