If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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