Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
