Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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