Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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