The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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