i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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