I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
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No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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