btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
