she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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