Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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