Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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