as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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