I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
