had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
