i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
