Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
