Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
