If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
