I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
