Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Where are you?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Strip Club

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(619): View more from California

I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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(916): View more from California

awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(854): View more from

i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.

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(408): View more from California

You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."

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(330): View more from Ohio

Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.

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