If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture