By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug