Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more