Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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