She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
