Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.