Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look