Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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