we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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